I know I mentioned I was a newlywed. Are you still considered a newlywed a little over a year in?? Some say yes and some say no. I am just going to go with those who say yes! You are only a newlywed once, right?!I thought this post I would focus on what I learned during the first year of marriage! I also asked my hubby to write down what he learned. I love getting a dual prespecitive!

From the wifey!

*moving in is hard to do! Oh yes it is! I am VERY close to my family and this move, although SO exciting, was a challenge for me! By challenge I do not mean the little things like, how I never roll the toothpaste and make it a mess or how my hubby leaves ALL of his shoes by the side of the bed! We make jokes of these things as they really are NOT the be all end all in a marriage! I remember in pre-cana, there was a couple who thought those who did not live together before marriage were ignorant. I remember being so perplexed by this comment and my hubby was too! This couple went on and on to talk about these little issues that it appeared they never thought about the BIG ones! I know, I digressed! Sorry! Back on track here! I went through a period of realllyyy missing my family and our rituals that we had! The first few Sunday's, I called my mom to read the paper with her! I cried watching Grey's Anatomy alone. This was a separation issue. This to me was the bigger issue then the toothpaste or the shoes! Hubby had to figure out how to help me through this and this, I imagine was not easy for him either! Well, I know it wasn't because he couldn't quite figure it out and I was really not verbalizing (oh, communication- we will get to you!). It took quite a few months to get adjusted and verbalize. So be prepared for this change! It is a HUGE, GINORMOUS change! And do NOT stress about the little things! They are so insignificant!

*date night! Oh the date night. Most feel this is for only married couples with children. I feel this is NOT the case. It is SO easy to get into the habit of ordering in, staying home, being lumps on the couch. Now do not get me wrong, i LOVE nights like this and they are important! BUT! If this is what you do day in and day out, you are no longer putting in an effort and that can become a LARGE issue! Now, at the beginning of each month, we look at the calendar and plan it out between work, errands, occassions and so on. This way it is there on the calendar! We do not always have the plan on what to do, but we know we have the time to do. Also, it doesn't have to be a big to-do with lots of $$ being spent. Just, something small, the two of you.

*the little things! Leave a little love note! pick up your spouses favotire treat. Maybe even flowers. Something bad or good happened in your spouses day? Cheer them up or celebrate, no matter how big or small. To me, this is such a crucial aspect of your marriage. Sometimes, you go day to day and go through the motions, and you of course love you spouse, but they are NOT feeling it. Something small, almost weekly and all will be good!

*Compromise! Do NOT always pick the movie, resturant, activity- etc. TAKE TURNS!

*Divy up the chores/housework- No one person should be responsible for everything. We sat down and went over what needed to be down. We split it up, picked days and volia! Equal and fair! No resentments. And don't be silly, if your spouse needs you to pick up thier slack-do it!

*be playful and silly! We laugh, tickle, and tease all the time! My hubby makes me laugh when i do not even want to smile! And he gets creative! We have so mny silly small things but we love it! Also, it helps when you may be in a tense spot. My hubby made up the "shake it outs" before sleep. I was going through a rough patch and we layed down. He turns to me and said on the count of 3, i want you to shake it all out. I looked at him like he was cray cray but i went along with it. WOW! it felt so good and we laughed so hard that night! Now, we use it when we need it! We had a day of bickering not too long ago, and we did this and it worked!

*fight fair! It really sounds easy in theory. But, for me, it's a work in progress. Try your very best to not bring up things from the past. DON'T play the blame game, because your spouse shuts off! DON'T involve people who are not needing to be involved. DON'T EVER threaten to leave.

*be affectionate! always show affection! No, I am not talking about the gross PDA kind! hold hands, hug, smooch, be playful! It is SO important to show each other this kind of love!

*do things together! We like to cook together. Hubby plays sous chef! And sometimes he cooks, too. He makes a MEAN grilled cheese and an omlette! We clean together as well, which makes it more fun. Involve each other in the other's interests!

*COMMUNICATE! you have got to talk about it all and you have got to talk until you are blue in the face! I struggle with this. It may be something small that I do not want to make a big deal about, however, me holding it in made this little something GINORMOUS! hubby said, i do not care how small or big it is, just talk to me! Even if it's something you do not want to say because it may "worry" or "upset" your spouse, SAY IT! TRUST ME! JUST SAY IT! If your holding something in, your spouse is going to know and that only makes it worse! Just talk and talk about it all and do it all the time!

From the hubby! (less explanation here! He had NO idea what this was for!)

*Give yourself time to adjust to the new setting.
*Do not forget what bought you to the dance!
*Just because you are married, does not mean the romance dies!
*ALWAYS support each other!


What are your words of wisdom? Learning experiences??

Xxoo Christina