The Journey...

Ahhh...the topic I have been so hesitant to write on....
I feel so vulnerable, but, I know I am not alone....
Here we go...

I do not ever recall a time in my life when I was happy with my body. You see, I was a very competitive dancer and even though I had NO reason to feel insecure about my body, I did. I was 10 when I went through puberty, and I grew like a beanstalk overnight and there were curves that I did not want. I looked like a giant in the age group I was competing in, and clearly did not fit in. I remember my dance teacher talking to me and my mom. She wanted to give me a change with the "older" girls but was worried about the age difference. We gave it a try. I truly flourished with my dancing when I moved up. However, I was in the awkward stage and no one else seemed to be there. I had the bushy eyebrows and wasn't sure how to use my new curves, on top of that, I was getting tormented in school because of my height and curves. It was a difficult time for me. I danced for a few more years and started to become comfortable. But then, HS came along. I wanted a bit more freedom to play other sports and try new things. I quit dance. I went from activity levels of over 35 hours a week to levels of about 20. A big difference, but I still worked out. I think I was comfortable in my skin for 1 year and that was it. Pathetic really. In Junior year, I tried not eating and over exercising, that was not a smart option. So then college came. I went from this 20 hour exercise regime to now the gym a few times a week and coaching. And your eating habits change big time in college! I was told this would happen and since I never really had to worry about what I was eating (meaning, I was burning off everything anyway), I just did not understand. So, I gained a little bit of weight and I was okay. Then, I stopped coaching and started a master's program and gained more bad habits (barley sleeping, not eating much, eating the wrong foods, putting my health last) and put on a bit more weight...Ughh I hate writing this...Regroup!

Into my master's program, I just was not feeling well. I was exhausted and not sleeping well. My stomach was being difficult (would randomly vomit, was not digesting properly) and I really did not do anything about it. Why? because my master's program was the be all and end all...Oh hindsight you are so evil! Anyway, I had gotten a terrible stomach bug in my 2nd and final year. I was so sick for 2 weeks, even my liver function was impacted. I missed some school and some of my internship. I was told I should have followed up with some more testing, but I just ignored it! I had so much to catch up on! So I went on with my stomach, energy way down and my weight going way up!

 I really ignored it up until I had another episode like I did in grad school, this time, I did not ignore it. This time I needed to get my gallbladder removed, and removed it we did! It was quite a bit after surgery until i was eating normal foods again (corn chips, ensure shakes, and ice pops were my diet for a LONG time), and when i felt great I decided the weight HAD to come off! I went to WW with the support of my family and I had a WW buddy. It went great for the first 1.5 months, until my stomach started hurting again :-( I went for every test imaginable, did diet changes, new medicines, everything.

 To this day, I am not 100% and I still struggle. Even with this struggle, I am still better and now can undo the damage I have done. I walked into WW the week before thanksgiving and have lost 12 lbs. I love that on WW you have the flexibility to eat more than a grapefruit and toast and its REAL food! There is also a wonderful amount of support! It has been a bit slow but steady! I started a new job that has thrown my sleeping and eating clocks way off, so it has been a bit of a balancing act! I also have become a bit more comfortable with myself and my inner demons are smaller now! I just came to the point in my life and realized I have so many wonderful blessings, to let this take my spirit down.

Each week, I plan to come here and tell you how I did!

Thanks for your love and support!

Xxoo Christina